I have absolutely no idea what I’m doing…
I’ve noticed myself repeating that phrase over and over again since your birth.
I remember hearing stories from my friends where they would say “when we got home from the hospital we had no idea what to do” or “I can’t believe the hospital actually let us leave with the baby”. I would think to myself “Wow – get it together. It’s just a baby”. Now that I’ve actually been the one in the room when the nurse comes in and says “Ok you’re all set! I can walk you out now”, I can assure you its one of the most horrifying things I’ve ever heard.
I watched so many YouTube video’s on how to install the car seat and make sure you were secured, so at least I’ll be able to look like I know what I’m doing. Well, after an hour of fighting with the car seat base the nurse finally told me that the FireStation does free car seat installs, nice. By the time your mom and I got the room packed up, signed all the papers, got the seat installed and you snug in the seat I was 100% sure that I was going to be the worst dad in the history of dads.
I sat down in the drivers seat ready to take off and decided I’d better check the car seat one more time. I opened the back door and everything was good, you were asleep when we first put you in the car but now you were wide awake and looking up at me. In that moment I understood that while I may have absolutely no idea what I’m doing, I do know that I will always love you, support you and be there for you no matter what life brings. I made a commitment that even though I do not know everything about being A dad today, that I would always make being YOUR dad the most important part of every day going forward.